Before I was a mum I spent most of my time shopping, I was a self
confessed shopaholic. But who cared right? I was in my twenties, care free and
enjoying life.
When
I was 27, 3 months after I married my husband I fell pregnant with our now four
year old boy, Rex.
During
my pregnancy I wondered what he would look like, organised all his gorgeous
unworn clothes, planning what he would wear first and dreamt about visiting
friends and cooing over my new born baby whilst on maternity leave.
Boy
o boy was I in for a shock.
On
July 20th 2012 after a very painful three day labour, Rex was born. He was the
most gorgeous thing I had ever seen, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.
That night whilst he slept I just watched him.
My anxiety levels were so high I couldn’t sleep after the birth. I had already
been awake for three days and I was exhausted from the birth, why was I wide
awake?
This
continued for days after to the point where I was getting hallucinations. I
felt like I’d never sleep again. To add to this I had a problem with my hip and
was readmitted to hospital (with Rex) whilst they tried to identify what was
wrong. After doctors played guessing games I was sent home, still in pain with
no diagnosis. Finally I went to a chiropractor who told me I had damaged the
muscles in my back during the birth causing pressure on a nerve in my hip which
was sending a lightening bolt pain down my leg every time I stood on it. After
a few sessions I was fixed. Thank god!
Shortly
after that Rex was diagnosed with Colic. Very common I know but the
inconsolable crying is something else. For a new mum to try and comfort a baby
that has screamed for five hours solid is a shock to the system. I couldn’t
cope. My husband would come home to find me crying on the kitchen floor because
I felt like a failure. Why was this nothing like I thought it would be? Why
isn’t motherhood like it is in the films?
I’ve
always been hormonal before I had children but my hormones took a big hit
postpartum.
I
eventually let my parents know I wasn’t coping and they came to my rescue. I
felt ashamed and completely incompetent at this point. I hated to admit that I
was failing as a mother.
One
thing I struggled with was the loss of my identity. I didn’t know who I was
anymore, my life had completely changed and I felt so alone, even though
technically I wasn’t.
I
never saw a doctor about how I was feeling as it was only afterwards that I was
able to admit I that I had suffered from post natal depression.
Just
before Rex was one I fell pregnant with our youngest son Mack. I was scared but
feeling much more confident about what motherhood could potentially throw at
me.
One thing we now needed was a bigger house.
We
found a lovely cottage in the next village on from where we were living and
moved in as soon as we could!
I
started to visualise our future in this house as a family of four! I had
something to look forward to… a project.
I
immediately set up Pinterest boards and planning what I wanted to do with the
house. We rent our house so we are slightly limited to what we can do, however
I knew I wanted to make it our own for as long as it was our home.
I’ve
always been interested in interiors but never had the opportunity to do what I
want to do until now.
I
have completely transformed nearly all the rooms and had great fun doing it.
By
making my home my hobby I have found myself again. Not the old me, but a thirty
something, interior obsessed, wife and mum of two boys, me!
I’m
still a shopaholic but with a smaller income. I do a lot of upcycling and room
makeovers, because for me, it’s so important to have an interest along side
being a mother.
Another thing I have discovered a passion for is
photography. I bought my first DLSR camera last year and I use it everyday.
My boys do and always will come first, but I put
a lot of my spare time in to our home, because I enjoy it. My next plan is to
make my hobby my career.
Wish
me luck!
Hayley x
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